I'm sorry I don't have any money to give because of all the tax laws. “Through these laws I am compelled to pay a business tax, an amusement tax, head tax, bank tax, real estate tax, personal tax, gas tax, light tax, food tax, furniture tax, luxury tax, excess tax, social security tax, unemployment tax and carpet tax. I am forced by the strong arm of the law to get a permit for this and that thing. I am required to get a business license, a truck license, a driver’s license, not to mention a marriage license and a dog license. I am also required to contribute to every society and organization which the genius of man is capable of bringing into being, to county relief, unemployment relief, women’s relief, and even the gold digger’s relief. At the point of a gun I am compelled to carry liability insurance, accident insurance, burglary insurance, life insurance and 17 other varieties which I can’t remember until I get my bills for them. My business is so governed that it is no easy matter for me to find out who owns it. I am inspected, suspected, examined, required, summoned, commanded, compelled and then fined until I provide an inexhaustible supply of money for every human need, desire, or hope of human race. If I, for no matter what cause, refuse to donate to still something else, I am boycotted, talked about, lied about, held up, knocked down and robbed until I am a complete wreak and my business is a total ruin. I can tell you honestly that only for a miracle that just happened I could not enclose the check [for the newspaper subscription]. The wolf that come to the door of every businessman nowadays had pups in my kitchen and I sold the pups and here is the money. Exhaustedly yours, Alphabet Ike Alley" http://www.ci.barnum.mn.us/assets/images/Chapter6.pdf  "Ten Years of Struggle"

Taken from the Herald column "Overviews of Carlton County" May 12, 1930: